Adoption/ Foster Care Pt 2

Today I will talk about the story of my boys. Just like yesterday, this has NOTHING to do with me...all about God!
The birth parents of my boys also had 4 children...3 boys and 1 girl. In August of 2008 we got the call for an emergency placement for two boys. When the social worker got here with these two boys we were floored! The older of the two (3 at the time) was nonverbal (almost) he could say dink (drink) and pee. He would not let people touch him, didn't know his own name, and didn't know how to play...seriously. He would sit alone on the couch and stare into the air at nothing for hours! It was so sad. He was potty trained, but had no hygiene at all in the area. The youngest one (10 months) was so gross! He was really fat...lots of huge rolls. He actually had mold growing in the rolls of fat! He had an awful skin rash and never smiled....EVER. He hated people and cried if you touched him. He couldn't sit up and had cows milk in his bottle. His mom sent only a few dirty clothes and no diapers. We knew nothing about what the living conditions were like for these kids. Come to find out they were removed from the birth parents because they (all 4) were left alone at night so the parents would go party. The oldest of those four was 5 years old. The would mess themselves and take off their clothes and walk around outside naked. They were not fed good food or watched. The children had no idea about how to eat healthy foods...and all they did was drink. the reason the 3 yr old we got couldn't talk was because nobody spoke to him! As soon as we started talking to him (the day he came we started...obviously)he started trying to speak. His first word was "bearplane" for "airplane"...he spoke V.E.R.Y. slowly and with GREAT effort. He still has speech issues that are serious due to him being ignored! The baby was the worst....his mom was selling his WIC checks for money for whatever reason she wanted. He was drinking cows milk and his system was not ready. We did not know this at first and the social worker didn't know it either as it was an emergency placement...we all thought she had just moved him to milk as you would an older baby...no big deal. Not so much. I was also feeding him table foods as I figured since she didn't send any baby food or even a note he must have been off baby food. Not so much. This poor baby got really sick because I was giving him milk and food! He hadn't even started cereal yet!!! I had to take him to the Dr. to find all this out, and he was lactose intolerant! She was giving him milk...that's why he was fat (he couldn't digest the milk) and he only drank! We got that all figured out. The boys were not used to any physical activity and would sleep all the time as they were so tired from playing :0) It didn't take long to get them adjusted. They have been very easy to care for and a joy. We have had MANY issues with the family of these boys, and their brother and sisters story is a sad one...I won't tell it...but it's sad even to this day they are not settled. We had to fight tooth and nail to get these kids. We are so blessed. The birth parents are still always in trouble, still having babies that they have to get taken away as their parental rights are revoked...and still in and out of jail...unemployed most of the time...it's sad.

This was a brief summary of the story of out journey with adoption through foster care. We encourage anyone who might have a heavy heart for this work to take the leap and get involved...there is much need. Feel free to send me an email or leave a comment with nay questions I might be able to answer concerning adoption/foster care...I would love to help in any way the Lord sees fit :0)

Adoption/Foster Care & Our Story

This is something God has put on my heart to share... not sure why, maybe someone is meant to read this or maybe it is a reminder to myself...I don't know. Talking about what my kids have gone through is VERY taxing on me...I am going to split their stories up. First of all, I am NOT trying to convince anyone else to do foster care or adopt...but I DO want people to be aware of what REAL kids are living with in our country...right in your own town...if you don't know..you don't know. I always felt badly for abused kids, but never really knew what they were going through...really. I will start with the story of my girls. We adopted three young girls through the foster care system and here is their story...it is a reflection on their strength and their survival skills. PLEASE know...this in NO WAY has ANYTHING to do with me...this is all God! People are always saying how wonderful we are because we adopt abused kids and foster many abused kids...it's not us...it's God! Here goes...

The parents of our girls had birthed 4 children...all girls. They were wild people with mental health problems. The mother had these 4 children with 3 different men. And often the men would molest the children..and it was OK with mom, it seems. The living conditions were what got CYS called out in the first place. The places they would live would look like this...just to give you a mental picture...in the reports it stated that there were open (huge) holes in the ceiling that let the weather come in...so imagine...it would rain and snow IN their house! They let the animals potty all through the home and never cleaned it up...hence maggots everywhere. They had no running water so the toilet was FULL to the TOP of "you know what"...which lead to using buckets and children "going" on the floor. They never did dishes, so there was moldy food all over...cigarette butts everywhere...and there was actually a nest of RATS living in one of my daughter's bed mattress! My youngest daughter was a baby at the time and her bed sheet was crunchy with dried urine. The smallest girls had awful rashes as they were never cared for. Cockroaches were many...so much the children (reportedly) smelled very strongly like cockroach dung. They smelled so bad they were forced to shower at school and later the lawyer that was helping them couldn't stomach the smell...he required that the children go to the CYS office and shower before entering his office! This is how they lived...this was really their home. Their parents were so mean and cruel, they would starve the children and then buy steak and ice cream and eat it in front of them. they would feed them ramen noodles every few days. My youngest daughter hardly ever got formula...they gave her mostly water in her bottle. All of my three girls are very small...my 8 yr old is of avg. weight now...but wasn't before...and my 6 yr old weighs only 36 lbs...and my 4 year old only 27 lbs. The just didn't grow because there was no nourishment! The parents would leave the children all the time in the hands of teen boys who were not caring for the in the right way...if you know what I mean. The parents would leave and lock them in the house. The parents forced them to watch pornography with them...the list goes on and on. The children had ill fitting clothes and they were VERY smelly and gross. They were made fun of at school. So, My oldest daughter (the second oldest out of the four) finally spoke up and the children were eventually removed from the home and put in foster care. The parents had visits with the kids but REALLY made it clear they hated my oldest daughter (my oldest of the adopted girls, I have a BIO daughter who is older) and ignored her fully. All of her siblings blamed her for the removal. They wanted to go home! Eventually the children went home...a few months later they were removed again because of the same stuff as before...so they were put back in care...all 4 of them together. Later they were split up as their needs were too great and one family couldn't put all the pieces back together and the kids were fighting with each other...and the oldest girl was in the parent role and it was abusive and messed up. From there my oldest daughter (the second oldest if the 4 girls) went to live with her birth dad...it didn't last only 2 weeks...then back to foster care....then with an aunt...didn't work...back to foster care...then with another who wanted to adopt her....didn't work...back to foster care...another family...back to foster care...then here. WOW! Her behavior is SO hard to handle that the other homes gave up....she makes it hard to love her. This is her defense....her survival mechanism. To this day she has been acting up daily since October when she got some news about her family...she is pushing us away to see if we will let her down, abuse her, and send her away. The other two smaller girls went to a foster home that couldn't have kids...and they didn't like the older of the two and blamed her for all the troubles the kids would get into...so she came to us angry and bratty...she is sweet and nice now. The youngest they had convinced she was a baby and a princess and she didn't have to listen to anyone! She told me this all the time! She is very small, so she looks like a baby...she's 4 and I just put away her 24 month clothes! She would tell me that she NEEDED to be a baby ans sit in a highchair, sleep in a crib...and poop her pants. She is now a normally functioning child...who delights in being a big girl! I left out some of the gory details to save embarrassment for the children...but you get the picture, I think. I am so grateful to God for bringing these girls into my family's life! I feel so blessed that God chose to have these precious children live here...and that He chose for me to be their mommy...forever! It's a scary thing...their birth parents have tried to even kidnap them before...but God will take care of us. I shared this with you not to make you feel sorry for these kids and other abused kids... It was a prompting from the Lord...and I am very pro-active where adoption and foster care are concerned. I want to raise awareness of the needs in our own communities...this is my mission field....God has blessed us beyond what I could ever dream of! This has not been an easy journey and is not without issues even now. These kids have major issues due to the abuse they have suffered....it breaks my heart...but God can mend their hearts.

We Did It....we are ONE big, happy FAMILY!

It was an interesting time, to say the least! We were all SO excited on Friday!! We sent everyone off to be with kisses and giggles, practicing their new names :0) Then at 10:30 I got SICK!!! I mean REALLY SICK....I threw up until it was time to leave for the adoption, and that's not it...Ashley started throwing up at 2:00 am, and was sick even at the adoption (all over the hallway on the way to the restroom, poor kid!) and in the van Kyara got sick! But we weren't missing this day for the world...so we got dressed and went. What a fun day! There were 8 kids adopted that day. And it was nice, they had people speak...there was a commissioner, the Judge, and a few others. They had a man who had been adopted as a child speak. It was just a happy day! I have been to court many times to testify and fight for my two boys, so it was awesome to go and have it be such a happy day! I have never seen the judge so happy!! After all the adoptions we all went to a different room in the courthouse and they (the workers of the courthouse and the county) had a HUGE party set up for the kids with cupcakes and pizza!! The judge himself gave each adopted child a gift! What a special thing! It was unfortunate that I spent a great deal of time with my sick children in the van, outside, or in the bathroom. But, I had a lot of GREAT helpers! As you can see from the picture above with all the kids sitting in a row, we brought a lot of people with us! We had my sister's family, my husbands cousin's family, 2 sets of grandparents, and a friend and her kids! They all stepped in and helped Rob take care of all the kids when I couldn't be there to help. I pray someday the size of my own family will be the size of all those kids on the bench! We shall see what God does. Either way...I am one blessed momma!

Oh...we were all still sick yesterday....today..so far so good! We are going to head out for a trip to my SIL for Thanksgiving! God willing.

Faith...or the lack of faith

Well, yesterday was interesting....I was just going along with my day...teaching science...and the phone rings. I answer, and it is our lawyer for the adoptions....my heart sinks....what does he want?? He was calling to tell me that he couldn't get a hold of my case worker, he had been leaving voice mails, and that we are missing a paper that was necessary for the adoption of the two boys...they had everything for the three girls, but not the boys! I thought my heart was going to stop beating. I must have looked awful because my kids all stopped with their school work and just sat in silence....staring at me....all I could think about was not getting to adopt the boys on Saturday! So, I called the county office and left a hundred messages with people who may be able to help us. At this point, I was truly feeling like I was going to throw up, my chest was hurting, my stomach was in a tight knot of burning pain...I mean serious mental stuff going on....so, I called a few people to pray...I was still having all the physical side effects from this awful news when Rob gets home from work. He walked into the house and took one look at me and came rushing to my side wondering what was wrong... I told him and he just smiled and said "it's OK"... I was shocked by his comment, and upset that he was not joining me in my sinful pity party! I asked him how in the world he could say "it's OK"?? He just looked at me with those big brown eyes and said "They'll either figure it out or they won't, it's not the end of the world...the kids are all healthy, alive, and will eventually be adopted. God is with us, and knows what's best."....I was picking my jaw up off the floor...and the steam was blowing out of my ears...thinking ....what is wrong with this man! Then the big question came...he asked me..."where's your faith?"....I about fell over...but what I needed to do was fall to me knees and ask for forgiveness from my Father. Why do I always fall so short in trusting Him. I KNOW His ways are best...that He will work all out according to His good and perfect plan....but I also know that sometimes His plan does not meet up with MY plan! There, I said it....I am weak in my faith. I get things in my head, and make plans, and then get really pushy when they don't play out as I think they should. I KNOW this is wrong...I KNOW God is good...always...but I need to have faith in the fact that all that is true for ME...not just to say it...but to live it. So, as I am working and praying through all of this lack of faith in myself...the phone rings...the county took care of it...it will all be OK...and I got to grow! WOW...God is such an amazing teacher!

I'm going to be a GRANDMA!

One of our old foster children whom we raised up is pregnant! She just called with the news! We couldn't be happier! It's too exciting for words! YEAH!!!

Wait...does this make me OLD?? A grandma at 30....that's fine by me!! :0)

God's Protection and His Plans!

This month has been really eye opening! We have been able to see so many of the "why's" answered! You know those times of pain...where you wonder how God is going to get you through, why God allowed this into your life, what good will come from it?? Well, we have seen some answers this month and last month. My WONDERFUL sister told me a story today about a little boy we were planing to adopt a few years ago. Long story....it ended up that the county he was from took him from us, very suddenly, one day. That day his social worker called myself, my case worker and his supervisor (I then worked for a private agency)...this boy's social worker would not tell me what this "meeting" was about, I wanted my husband to take the day off work and come, but the social worker said it was not necessary. while I was there, this "man" ripped me apart and told me he had read the Bible and that that was not the way to raise a child, and if I didn't agree to change my ways then they were taking him from us. I wouldn't back down. I stood firm in my beliefs and we lost Robbie. It was awful. The social workers had to come to my home and literally tear him out of my arms. My husband cried. This little boy was moved from home to home after that and is now settled and happy. But, now I know (my sister knows, and told me) that this little boy had done some disturbing things to a woman in one of his foster homes. God protected my daughters from harm. All the heartache we went through....years of this sorrow...was to save my daughter innocence. God is always good. Another thing we got to see.... We went through some very tough times with our boys we are going to adopt, we thought it was taking too long...God was telling us to WAIT...their other brother and sister (they don't live here) needed to be moved from the home that was going to adopt them. We see that all the heartache was for a good reason. Another reason is that we were to wait until God said it was time...and we got to adopt all 5 at one time...this is unheard of! God is always good. And yet another thing came to light. The girls we are adopting have an older sister, we were planing to adopt her, but things didn't work out. She was really mean to us...we tried to work it out, but felt God was telling us "no". A month later we got a call that in her foster home (the same one she lived at before she lived here) she molested a boy the same age as my oldest (special needs) son. God protected my sons. God is good always. And today, I was talking to a social worker, and she mentioned to me to think about 3 boys that may need to be adopted, they will know in March what's going on. We are praying for God to tell us what to do. We know how hard it is to foster kids (we've done it for 8 yrs), we know how heart wrenching it is to adopt kids through the "system" and what's happened to them. It's harder than I can express. That would bring our numbers up to 10 kids! And I just got my tubes untied...so we are praying for more biological kids too. This seems unreasonable to me...but does it to God? God is good always. And the last thing I will mention is this. I have "came across" a family that will benefit from my testimony...and my husbands testimony...which is another LONG story....but The Lord has delivered us from a slimy pit of sin...it was BAD...and we will get to use our testimony to bless someone and let them know they are not alone, that God loves them, and there is no shame, only grace and forgiveness in God's love! We are going to be able to prove that marriages can be restored no matter how "bad" things get! WOW! God is good always. And the most impressive thing is we are SO TOTALLY unworthy of any of this! God is working in spite of my wicked and sinful nature! All of this literally fell into our laps...all the kids to adopt came to us within the first year and a half of foster care with this agency...people have gone through years and years or waiting and trying to adopt in this county...and we got 5! These people to share our lives with...fell into our life,,,it's amazing to reflect.

frugal day!

Today I took DD out for an afternoon of shopping as she had a lot of Birthday money to spend. While we were out I got 3 Christmas gifts for next year on clearance....I got 2 pairs of pants and an outfit for 90% off! And to top it all off we went to a new thrift store in town and I got 3 sweaters for 50% off!! I was pretty happy! DD got a few of her toys on clearance as well, she is learning to be a bargain shopper! YEAH!!
Not too much is new here...just trying to keep up! The weather has finally broken and we have been playing outside a lot. It is going to be time to collect sap soon and make syrup :) It is fun, but takes forever and we get just enough to last us the year! LOL. I am also working on lowering our grocery bill...I feel like I am spending too much and am working on that. We have been doing some Spring cleaning, but that is getting really boring, so I am going to take a break and sort through some kids clothes and get ready for Spring and summer, that will be a nice break :)
School has been going ok, but we are ready to start wrapping things up for the year. We are making sure we are getting in the things we really want and learning what we had planned....this school year has zipped past!!! Before we know it it will be time to plan for next year!
Foster child #2 is really going through some hard times, so that is going to be time consuming. And all 3 foster kids have court next month. We are hoping to be able to adopt two of them :) We are praying for God's will here.
Well, it's time to put the 3 little kids to bed...so that's it for now!

The heart of a Mother

Well, as many of you may know, DH and I are foster parents. We take our job (calling) very seriously and love each child that comes through our home. A few years ago (5) we met and took care of a young teenage girl. We loved her as our own...she lived with us for about 3 years, then she had some personal issues and it was not a good thing for my own kids to be around, so she moved out. We have always kept in close contact with her after she moved out....until the last few months. She had been living with her boyfriend and his parents, had finally graduated school, and had a good job at a Walmart...she was thinking of doing an online college too...since we didn't agree with her life choices and she would not stop lying and doing things that would endanger the welfare of my kids...we couldn't let her live here...tough love, they call it. Well, I'm not so sure that was right now. she took off a few months ago, and didn't tell us where she was going, or that she was going at all! She broke up with her longtime boyfriend and took and got married to some guy we have never met and moved to a different state! My heart is so broken...for me...for my husband...for my kids...but mostly for her...it is so sad that she didn't feel enough of a connection with us, as her "parents"...as she didn't have any of her own...to involve us. Did she think I would yell at her or disapprove? Or was she just being selfish and not caring about anyone else, her youth getting in her way...love blinding her? I am so saddened by my actions...I was not nearly as supportive as I should have been...I can see that God is teaching me through this to not give up on pepole...EVER...yes, I did pray for this girl...but did I DO anything? Not really. SHE needed ME and hubby to be her family...and we didn't do as we should have because it was "too hard"... I am being brutally honest with myself, I never saw it this way before. I honestly thought we did what was right in God's eyes...He just wasn't ready to show me how wrong I was until now. I am so thankful for God's rebuking and teaching. I know this is not easy, but I am really going to try to look past the hurt and anger about being left out of her life and persevere....I WILL be a mom to her... I will support her even when it's hard and try to guide and train her in the ways of the Lord. She claims to be saved, she got baptized and was in church 2c a week while she lived here...did she learn anything? Did she really accept the Lord? Only He knows. But I KNOW we are to spread the Good News...and I will. I will try to reach out to her and her new husband, and love her even when it's "too hard". What an excuse, right? I am so ashamed of myself...there are not even words to tell you how much.

When to lay off....and chit chat

Well, we are going through a very hard time with tow of our foster children's grandparents. The boys are very well settled with us, call us mom and dad...they are happy. BUT...the one set of grandparents want the kids. There are 4 of them, the other 2 are older than mine, but the grands are only trying to get my two because they are upset that the kids have bonded so closely with my family. I know doing foster care that you have to give the kids up...we have been doing this for years, we know the routine.... but these grandparents just sat back and watched these kids be neglected day after day, year after year, and did nothing to stop it and now they want the kids!!! NO WAY!! the kids' quality of life would be so poor living with them that I actually think they would be better off back with the parents! (and no, that would not be a good thing! )....we are willing to adopt them, and the family who has the other 2 are willing to adopt them ( we are related to the other family,so the kids would even have the same last names! )...but we are waiting to see what happens with these grandparents. When the grandparents have the kids...they come back smelling of smoke (very smelly), only have eaten junk, the baby always has wet through at least 2 outfits, and they are exhausted! The case workers know all of this, but still the judge can do what he wants! Now, to my point...I am trying o hand this over to the Lord...it is SO hard, And I am feeling very torn. Where do I lay off?? Am I to sit back and just wait, or do I keep voicing my opinion, emailing and calling those in charge?? I DO NOT want to take this into my own hands as I KNOW I will fall short...only God can take care of this. It is incredibly hard to wait and do nothing. I wish my flesh was stronger. Please pray for these boys and their little lives, as they are so worth saving!

Ok...so my chit chat :) Today is Monday! Back to the grind! I am excited to get back to it...it always refreshes me when Monday rolls around..the kids are too, believe it or not! We have a lot to do today! I am going to clean house...do school...and I am getting back with my diet and exercise routine. I am also back to making a list each morning! you would be shocked if you knew all that I forgot to do while I was not making a list each day! I was disgusted with myslef...lol...So, I feel re-newed and refreshed today! It's only morning, the kiddos just walked down the steps, so I hope I can carry out this feeling throughout the day!

Today's frugal doing I am going to talk about it my long distance....we use Grand Central...it is free long distance offered through google....we don't have cells anymore as we didn't really like them, so we can get by with just a land line..much cheaper! My sister, sister in law, and brother, brother in law, and a few friends are all long distance, so this really helps out!

Have a blessed Monday! I must go...the baby is up!