My Flesh

My flesh is so strong and my faith so weak at times....sometimes I still get selfish and bitter....mostly when sleep is involved! Here's how it all played out...Sat. night, around 3:30 my 3yr old woke me up by poking me and telling me the monster in his room "made-ed" him sick....I thought he was being a silly 3 yr old & I put him back to bed. An hour later he woke up and was suffering from his asthma and had a high fever! 3 more kids woke up sick with fever and headaches. The day was long...Rob & I didn't feel well either. That night (Sunday) was awful! I was up 2 times with Savannah....2 times with Kate, 1 time with Ty, and about a hundred times with Colton, and up with the dog. Not to mention all the times I just checked on them all. I am their mom...this is my God given job. At this point I was starting to get REALLY tired and REALLY grumpy....especially at that big guy snoring next to me! Was any of this my husbands fault? No! Was it his fault he didn't hear any of this "action" through the night? No! Could I have simply woken him up to ask for some help? Yes! He would have done so gladly. But instead....I fed my flesh. I got mad, and selfish, and greedy....God got a hold of me though :0) He is faithful! As I laid there (everyone settled in for the night at about 4:00 am, and I get up for the day at 4:30 am!) I looked at the love of my life and God helped my heart soften to my situation...and I was no longer angry....tired, yes....angry, no! I realized I love that my kids want ME when they are sick...my heart would be twice as broken and hurt if they wanted anyone else! I am blessed to be young and able to go with little sleep. It took all of that just to see what God was showing me....

My kids are all better now...and we are all caught up on our sleep! Life is normal again :0)

When Daddy's Home!

When Daddy's home, what do we do??? We have a water fight inside the house, of course! Have I ever mentioned that I have the funnest husband EVER!

In the mind of a 4 yr old

Today at breakfast my 4 yr old daughter announced this... " I don't want to go to Hell of college either!" LOL....I LOVE that she is already having eternal thoughts....but college choices are bit far off, don't ya think?? hehe!!

What Does She See?

This is my oldest child, Ashley. She is an amazing girl...full of love and compassion for others. She is on fire for the Lord and wants to dig into His Word to learn more & more. A true gift from God. But lately, I notice she is watching me...I mean really watching me. What does she see? I can tell what she is seeing by what is happening in her life. I see many of the bad habits she has gotten from watching me. She is starting to develop an unhealthy relationship with food. This is all me. She sometimes says some of the things I say when I am exasperated...nothing horrible, just little prhases or common grumbles. I also see some of the things manifesting that I have tried, with much prayer, to instill into her life. She has a great prayer life...and is comfortable praying out loud in front of people or with a friend. She DOES NOT gossip, and will turn away from it when her peers are doing so. (I have seen that one with my own eyes). She has a heart for children who need special help and wants to adopt because of all that we as a family has gone through. The part that has got me really thinking and being very careful is I see her watching with wonder. She is watching how I interact with Rob. She was watching us embrace in the kitchen the other day...I turned around and there she sat...just watching. No expression, just watching. I have a child who has serious mental health issues and can be very frustrating to deal with, when an issue arises, I find her watching me. She has been trying to mimic how I sit and eat at the table, I don't mean mimic in the preschool way, she's floundering and trying to figure out how to do this "young lady" thing. She even answers the phone the same way I do. My point is, she is always watching me. What am I teaching and showing her? I now see that everything I do...even if I think she's not watching...matters to her. God has been laying it on my heart lately how important my job is as mom. This is new territory for me, as she is my oldest child. When they are little, you teach them and care for them, you clean them and train them in manners...and when they get bigger it seems to have changed a bit. It's like she's asking me to show her, not just tell her. I feel blessed and challenged with this awesome responsibility, and with God's help, will try my best to be up for it! I know I will fail, but God will pick up the pieces. I need and want to be prayerful about all of this...because she is watching.

What He can do!

This is my son, Ty. He is almost 9 years old and is the most amazing kid ever! I may be a bit biased as I am his momma! LOL...I am just about bursting at the seams with joy for this kiddo! He has over come so much in the few years he's been on earth and only because of God! Ty is special needs and has "out done" himself according to the world's standards! When he was small he was very ill and had some serious intestinal problems, and developmental issues. when Ty turned 3 his Dr. recommended early intervention to assess him...we pretty much had to let them or else we wouldn't be doing him any justice, right? NO! I was too young and naive to know better...I had Ty when I was 21. So, we "had" to put him in a preschool for "special needs" children. while we were there the teachers had him in all sorts of therapy's and Ty cried EVERY SINGLE DAY...it was awful. He went to that preschool when he was 3. During that same year he started to talk. He did have some serious issues, I'm not trying to downplay that Ty is a bit different from the "norm"...but to us and to God he was and still is just right! anyway, he would do what I call tripple talk...it would go something like this...."I like to play, play, play. "....the therapists and pshycologists said it would never stop....he only does it once in a while now.. He also would just say off the wall stuff at off the wall times and that would frustrate people, he still does that sometimes..He would really "BE" whatever character he was in to...like Bob the Builder. He really thought he WAS Bob...to an extreme I still to this day have never ever seen in any other child....it was strange to say the least. He still does that some, but he DOES understand he is NOT that character, but he IS Ty. They told me he would never use the toilet....it took until he was 5 & 1/2...but we got it! They told me he would never hold a pencil...he writes! You can barely read it (his hands don't work very well)...but he DOES it and we don't encourage him to write sloppy...he works HARD to make his hands do what HE wants them to do! They told me he would never have relationships with his peers....he has a friend and even has short play dates with him. They told me we HAD to get diagnoses for him, it just wouldn't be "right" to not label him. We bought into it for a short time...we got in a short time...ADHD, Asperger's, and they were working on diagnosing him with OCD...NO WAY~ we were done! Not to mention all the meds! It was horrible! He was on one med that made him stay awake for 56 hours! Yup, and he CRASHED in the middle of the day and momma still had to go the rest of the day...it was simply terrifying! We were DONE! We pulled him out of school ( we were homeschooling through a cyber school, and he was in the special ed there...they had therapists and such come to us through the school)....and God has worked so much in his life! Ty is Ty. He has social issues...he doesn't enjoy many people or to be the center of attention...you never know what will trigger things for him...he is very emotional. But, he leads a "normal" life...we have never bought into this garbage about how he CAN'T! who are "they" to decide what he can and cannot do?? Doesn't God do that? and God has done a rockin' cool job! Ty has done so much with his little life! He even got baptized in our pool...he wanted to, but couldn't get in front of the church...so he asked me to ask pastor to come and do it here with our family and relatives....he knows his own limits and is ok with them. He gets by and makes do. His hands give him such a hard time, but he plays computer, cooks, and build with nails & a hammer! Stop and get a mental picture and you will respect this so much more...here is my son, crouched on the floor...using his core muscles...holding a small nail with his hands that don't work...and at the same time pounding with a hammer...with hands that don't work...and he also has coordination issues! What a kid...he NEVER gives up and NEVER says "I CAN'T".....he knows God made him in His perfect image, and never seems to wonder why he's different...he accepts his lot in life. I need to step back and look at Ty for the amazing example he is. He walks tall and is proud of who God made him, even though the world tells him he is imperfect. I love this kid more than words can say!

Who Will it Be?

I have been spending much time in prayer over my children's future spouses. I feel it is SO important to remember to pray for the people our children will marry! We don't know who they will be, our oldest child is 11...so there's not even a hint yet. But we need to pray that the Lord will bless them with good christian people as mates. along with praying we are also teaching them that they are not to be unequally yolked....they should not marry an unbeliever. We are also praying about what our guidelines will be for courting...we are explaining to our girls we would like for them to remain at home under their father's leadership until they become married. This matter is so important and our kids futures need to be prayed over! I am so happy that we have such a loving God who through Jesus hears our prayers! I pray my children will grow close to the Lord and that they will let Him mold their lives...even now...even though they are young. I pray they will not let LUST get in the way of LOVE, and they will look deep into the heart of whom they chose to be with...do they love God? I pray the mate my children choose will have a good work ethic...they must put their hands to work for the Lord. I pray that the people they marry will have a love for the church...that they will love to go and fellowship with other believers! There are so many things to pray about concerning your children's future...and this is a big one! We should pray specifically... not just the little "shoot up"...."Um...hey, God...I hope my kid marries someone who's OK"....NO WAY! My kids are better than that! They DESERVE to have a prayer warrior praying for them! Join me in praying for your kids and the future that awaits them....pray specifically...God wants to hear from us :0)

Don't Trust Them!

Rob and I were laying in our big King size bed after dinner with some of our littles, I think 5 of them were there...I had to run downstairs and do some things, but Rob stayed there. He was pretending to sleep...not a good idea! The kids look innocent and cute....but that's just a show...here's what happened to my poor husband...LOL....he was getting "tickled" by all sorts of little fingers...but it was really the equivalent of your skin getting torn off your face...lots of giggles and talk of "tickling Daddy's beard"...that should wake him up...nope. They move on to his feet...he just about tore his toe nail off, it's really sore...more giggles about how this would really work!....nope...he's a strong man....then "it" happened....the giggles got really loud, he was probly sweating bullets by now, wondering what they are gonna do next...Kyara (she's 6) says to Cyle (he's 5)..."go on Cyle, just put it right in his eye...that should do it!"....YIKES! They were right!! To save his eye, my loving man "woke up" and was the "tickle monster"! What fun!!

Proverbs 17:22

"A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones "

I thank God for these fun and light moments, I NEED them...for my health. There are so many things right now that are heavy on my heart...we just figured out our oldest adopted daughter suffers from RAD (reactive attachment disorder), she's so hard to live with...I LOVE her SO much, but her little self is so broken...she needs God but HATES Him...that's enough for a broken mommy heart...I have been trying to get pregnant for a year with no succsess...ouch...especially after have a reversal done...lots and lots that I could let "get me down"...but my God is good...all the time! There is so much to be joyful about...and it's ALL from Him...what WE see as good and bad, it's ALL allowed by God..we just need to trust Him!

Don't miss it!

I just had a conversation with my good friend today about her oldest son...he's doing "man" things on the farm now...he's growing up...FAST! Just the other day it seems as if he were 2 years old and telling me all about tractors and begging for pb & j....time goes by so quickly. It has hit me like a ton of bricks today....my kids will grow up. The days are now full of potty training, runny noses, teaching kids to share....but soon it will change. I want to REMEMBER to be intentional about holding tight to all of these moments, these memories....before they are gone. Someday they will not need me as much...someday they will make their own choices about important things....someday they will have more dangerous activities (like farming, hunting, mechanics...etc..)....my boys will grow and gravitate towards these things...with their father...I am so glad he is a good christian man who will train them in the ways of the Lord while teaching them these trades...and my girls will gravitate towards me and the skills I can teach them. Am I up for the job? Soon enough I will have to find out...these younger years matter and the training we do is just building up to when they are big...and independent....just mind blowing...who would have thought....I don't want to miss it!!

Mom's Tools

I have a few things that I use ALL the time...they are my favorite things....the things I couldn't "live" without...LOL...
1. My Bible....of course to study, grow, and teach!

2. My Muck boots....they are so tall, warm, and dry! They are the best chore boots ever! I "share" my pair with my two oldest kids...really they just steal 'em from me! LOL

3. My pizza cutter....I use it to cut pretty much everything the kids eat! I can cut up a pancake, waffle, fried egg...etc...in no time at all!

4. My "jump rope"... I have a bright blue jump rope that has funky polka dot ribbons tied on...one end of the rope has a big loop to go around my arm or just to hang onto...then the littles hang on to the loops and we are safe and sound as we shop...the rule is to not let go of the rope...no matter what...and we have really made out very well with this method :0)

5. Mt timer...I use my timer for TONS of stuff...fixing the coal fire, kids reading, kids math, my computer time, chores, cooking...etc...it's so very handy!

Those are only 5 of the things that make my day easier and more organized (at least in my head!)...what are your favorite "tools"??

I CAN do it!

These are the pictures my oldest daughter (11) took of her little brother while she was "helping" him get dressed after breakfast....that explains the messy face..lol....He insisted...." I CAN do it!"....not yet, little man! Good try!

You Know It's Time...

You know it's time to buy new socks when your 4 yr old daughter comes and says to you that her sock has too many holes and she can't move it around so her heel doesn't come out! LOL...

Living With Kids!

My husband spent a whole bunch of time re-doing the leaf in our dining table...while the polly was still drying he said to all of us..." DO NOT TOUCH THE TABLE!!"...needless to say within a few hours we had many little hand prints, a fingernail scratch, and about a dozen cat paw prints! LOL....my poor husband :0)

This morning, I had to call all boys together...they were all lined up....looking guilty....I asked them who peed all over the bathroom floor...the big ones looked relieved...hubby said...I'm glad I'm off the hook this time....little boys looked at each other and then the youngest boy told that it was him....then the oldest daughter comes out and told me that "Oh yeah...he told me about that...huh...I guess I didn't believe him!" GEESH!

Living with kids!!!

Snow

We have had so much snow this winter. The kids worked so hard this week, making pathways to the chicken coop, shoveling, making a way to the playhouse...things like that. Last night when they came in, I looked out and saw all the evidence of a fun day! This morning when I looked out it was a different scene for sure! The ground had a fresh blanket of snow...covering all the pathways and little footprints...the barn roof had it's beautiful covering of white glimmering snow, our homemade barn star was gorgeous! Then I thought of how upset I would be if I were the kids, all the work they just put into things this week....gone. This is my mind. I also thought of the horses, they just stand there....covered in snow and ice...I felt so sad for them. In reality, they have a warm and dry barn they can go into at any time....they chose to stand out in the weather...they must not mind. This is my mind. when my kids woke up all you could hear was delightful giggles and talk about how deep the snow was...how far up their little legs it would go...how much fun they would have digging out again...the minds of children are so much more positive than mine. It just amazed me at their joy, even though all they worked so hard on was gone....it reminds me that the Lord wants us to count it all as joy. I learned something important from my kids today...

What I'm Learning

This has been such a time of learning and growth as of late. I know we always grow and learn because God is the best teacher...and He is really working on me. It is SO hard to raise abused kids. I will never understand them. We have done foster care and took care of abused kids for 8 years now, and have done oodles of trainings and classes....but these kids are not all the same. Whatever these kids have gone through is a part of them, it makes them who they are. I don't think that most of them actually remember what happened to them in detail (one of mine DOES)...but it's still "in" them, does that make sense? These kids do not know the Lord as their Savior...yet. So, they don't lean on Him, and pull from His strength...they fight...HARD! One of my children has been B.A.D. EVERY SINGLE DAY....ALL DAY LONG.....since the beginning of October when she found out her oldest birth sister was moving to Virginia with an aunt. Her sister is not a safe person to live with, so she can't live here....her abuse created her to be a predator. This has made my daughter confused, lonely, and most of all MAD! She blames me for her not living with her birth family... I mean, her dad said that he loved her while hurting her....that's love right? It is soooo sad! She is pushing away...and I mean PUSHING away our love.... a healthy and good love, regular love,,,the kind parents and children are supposed to have...not the sick and abusive love she is used to. She pushes and is soo awful mean, she does this with tears in her eyes, she doesn't WANT to do this...I know she doesn't...but hate wins out...every day. We beg, pray, cry, talk....and nothing changes. So, what am I learning....I am learning that I have anger issues and am also learning to have patience. It makes me angry when she is so mean to me and my other kids....it makes me angry that she is hateful all the time...but my loving and patient God is still working on me...and He has shown me...it's not about ME...it's about her pain. Yes, it is so hard to live with....this is the reason she has bounced from home to home....but it's not about me....it doesn't have to be easy for me...anger just makes it worse, what example does that set? This week the behavior has spread like wild fire! All 5 adopted kids are acting the same hateful way! It has been the hardest week of my life! I have had a few not so proud moments where I let anger overcome me...but my forgiving and gracious Father has shown me again and again...to calm down and be patient! Yesterday, 2 of the five we well behaved. The other 3 were not. One was standing in time out until 9:00 pm last night! During this time my son needed to stand the proper way....he refused to do so until 9:00 pm! He broke 2 doors throwing fits! I got mad at first, and then God got ahold of me...and my husband and I prayed and talked...and we just left the room (he was not throwing a fit any longer, but still not standing the proper way) and we would just check with him every few minutes, talk it over with him so he understood this was not acceptable behavior and we are the boss so he must obey...he would say "no"...so we left him alone. He did not win....we "won"....he realized we are "the boss"...but there was no yelling or anything that would not please God (remember, I did have a few bad moments, but asked for forgiveness). I don't know why he's acting this way....he may not even know why he's acting this way....but he is. and I have to deal with it...patiently. So, God is teaching me patience. I pray that these little ones let God into their lives, but until then, the only example they have is my husband and I and my older saved children...I'm so glad He's still working on me!

"He's still working on me
to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars
the sun and the earth
Jupiter and mars
how loving and patient He must be!
He's still working on me!"

Idle Time

God is showing me so much. All of my adopted kids are having a hard time, not because of the adoption, but because of their lack in training in the years before they lived here. Some of it may be that they are thinking about what they have lost, but it seems to be coming to me that they just don't have a very strong foundation....they don't really think they have to do what is right...when nobody is "watching". I have tried to talk with some people about this, and most of the time I get the "oh...kids are gonna be kids" bit. I WILL NOT accept that answer! I DO hold my kids up to a high standard...God's standard! I DO NOT think it's cute or funny to have kids act bratty and mean...I do not think it's OK when kids don't follow rules unless they are on your "hip"....I think of my two birth kids...I invested all of my time into them. I taught them all the time what was good and right. Yes, they are HUMAN....they make mistakes...but I can count on one hand how many times they have lied to me...things like that. Both of them can't sleep if they have done something wrong and have not confessed it first to God and then Rob and I, we taught them that. God has cultivated them....grown them....these kids need that to! Ashley and Tyler (my birth children) grew up in this environment....have been home educated....have been in church...have been under my husbands teaching....my other children have been for a short time. It's is AMAZING to see....even my youngest, when he was a baby knew how to steal...there former way of life is SO ingrained...all they knew before was lying, stealing, and cheating...they didn't know there was a God...they new drugs, rape, and abuse. What a gift these kids are...but I am seeing where their idle time is leading them...and it is NOT good! So, it's over. We are clearing out their bedrooms...no toys...NOTHING...we are clearing out the upstairs playroom...there will be no upstairs time! They were even doing bad things if they would head up to the bathroom! I am going to have them with me ALL of the time,,,, so I can train them and instruct them in what it good and right. I thought it was going well a few months ago so I let them go upstairs to play...and it was bad. They were playing inappropriate things and destroyed the upstairs...but I didn't catch on...I would ground them for a few days from it and try again. Must be I thought they would magicaly learn what is right and good....I can be thick. So, this is a new day...please pray for me.

Peace & Quiet

I was reading a Russian folktale to my kinders today and it was titled "Peace & Quiet". It was about a man and a woman who could get no sleep due to a tree branch scrapping the window and a squeaky floor...so the sought advice from the town elder and he told them to bring a whole bunch of animals into their home. All the animals made noise and fought with each other and the couple could get no sleep and yearned for some peace and quiet so they could rest. In the end the elder finally chased out all the animals and told the man and woman to listen carefully...they heard only peace and quiet even though there was still a branch scrapping the window and a squeaky floor...in comparison it was quiet. This got me thinking about what do I consider peace and quiet? I often find myself yearning for quietness...and in some ways I pair this up with peace. They have nothing to do with each other in reality. My family went from 4 to 9 (plus I babysit two other 4 yr olds, so 11 most of the time) in the matter of 2 years! What was once quiet is no longer quiet in the same way. It made me see that I don't need things to be "quiet" in order to have peace. Gos has filled my home with people whom I love...it leaves me wondering why I ever wanted them to be quiet?? I wonder how strange it would feel if they were suddenly gone...like in the folktale, how the elder chased all the animals out...did the couple feel strange without them? I could imagine what my house would be like with no laughter, no "roaring dinosaurs", so princess songs, no "vrooming" cars, no army men, no pitter patter of feet on the floor above me, nobody calling out to me from the other end of the house...this is not something I am interested in... I'll pass on the "thought" of peace and quiet and take my noisy home any day! Thank God for showing me and teaching me this lesson before my kids were grown and gone..and then my heart would break for what could have been had I just let them be "noisy animals"...

My Favorite Vision

My favorite vision this weekend was a pile of sleds at the bottom of the sledding hill :0) The kids had such fun in the snow this weekend! We played and played and played!!! Hubby would pull them around in the sleds...big ones would hold on to little ones as they whizzed down the hill. I cherished the moments of watching the littlest ones try to climb their way to the top of the hill dragging their sleds along. I hope my mind can hold onto the sound of their giggles and hoots & hollers all through the week. We have plenty of time to play during the school week...but not just "us"...there are always extras or some missing...which is fine too....but I look forward to "family time" too! I am blessed, indeed!

Pre-teen Heartcheck....Just For Her??

We are having to deal with some heart issues with our oldest daughter...she is almost 11. It's different now....when she was small we had to deal with small issues like naps, and getting along with brothers and sisters...but she was SO good! She's good now...obedient, but we are seeing some heart issues that need to be dealt with. It is a whole new world dealing with older kids! Their issues are so "real" and what you SAY and DO really matters. Don't get me wrong, it all matters to all kids....but she is really watching me to see how I deal with things and what I say and do in reaction to certain things. Is what I am seeing a reflection of myself...what I have taught her by MY example? I think so. There is much to be done in the way of shepording this child's heart...am I up for it? No. I'm so thankful that I have a God who never fails me, I am so thankful to have my own Bible to read and learn from, I am so thankful for good christian ladies who will guide me, I am so thankful for children to teach....as long as I am willing and open to the Lord teaching me first! I pray that I will get to spend much time with my oldest daughter and teach her heart in the ways that the Lord is teaching my heart. I am bursting with joy that this daughter is a saved person, so she will be more receptive to God's prompting and conviction! I am looking forward to this day :0)

It's Right

I always feel like we take up too much room, are too loud, and bug others when we go out in our town. Our town is very small and the places we go are pretty small. I always feel like we are a side show as there don't seem to be many large families around. Honestly, I don't know anyone else with 7 living children...one of my friends has 7, but only 6 are living...and 2 of those are grown and married...I have another friend with 5, and a few with 4...I'm sure there are large families in the area, just none that I know of. Anyway... I always feel like we are taking up too much space so to speak...and am on edge when we are out. Rob took us to one of our favorite places to eat after church on Sunday as a surprise! And this time...just like every other time...God helped me see things clearly! (Almost) every time we go out, people ask us questions about our size...EVERYTIME....I honestly think I can count on one hand the times that it didn't come up! In small towns, people talk to you...it's neat :0) Sometimes I get sick of it, but then God gets a hold of me...and lets me know that these are the PERFECT times to bring glory to Him with my words. Yesterday at the restaurant two different families came up to us to talk to us about our kids! They both complimented their behavior and one lady even came right out and said..."I'll bet they are home schooled"....I was floored...and checking to see if they indeed looked really dorky or something that would make them stick out....then again...God said "HEY!!!"....this lady said that because they were an example for Christ...sitting there...big ones with little ones...all mixed together...It was so neat to get to speak of my Lord to people....people who wanted to talk to us because we look different....maybe it's not just the size...maybe they see us as approachable...maybe they can see the Light of Christ in our family?? I will always, from this day forward, thank God for those moments!

Just Like A "Real" Mommy!

This is my daughter, Kate. she's too cute for her own good! She often dresses herself up like this, pushes a baby stroller, and is usually lugging around a purse half her size...saying "Look, I'm just like a real mommy!" She must need glasses!! This is NOT the mommy she sees....here...in this house~ I never walk around in full princess gear, pushing a stroller, carrying a magic wand~ But it got me thinking, what kind of mommy do the kids REALLY see? Do they see a mommy who is frazzled and tired? Do they see a mommy who can't hide her emotions when she's upset? Do they see a mommy who loves her home and her family? Do they see a mommy who puts God first in her life? I have no clue what they see! Kids are so forgiving...and adaptable. I have had kids get in trouble all day and then when I put them to bed and kiss them...they say to me.."Mommy, this was the best day ever!" (Kyara does this all the time!)LOL...I love my kids SO incredibly much, I think I owe it to them to really dig into the Word, pray, and see what kind of mommy they deserve to see everyday.