Zip Lock Bags & God

As I was making monkey bread for breakfast this morning, I was shaking the biscuit pieces with cinnamon & sugar in a zip lock bag. I found myself thinking and chuckling about how glad I was that I trusted this zip lock bag or else I would have a real mess on my hands! That led me to think about all the other things I put my "trust" in...my vacuum, my computer, my van, my phone, my checkbook, my church, my friends...the list goes on and on...I had to evaluate where I was with God....do I trust Him more than a zip lock bag? you bet I do! The tricky part is putting things into perspective...and to not lean on the "things" that I "trust" during my daily life more than I lean on my Lord....He must be forefront in my mind...hmmm...something to think about for me today :0)

What He can do!

This is my son, Ty. He is almost 9 years old and is the most amazing kid ever! I may be a bit biased as I am his momma! LOL...I am just about bursting at the seams with joy for this kiddo! He has over come so much in the few years he's been on earth and only because of God! Ty is special needs and has "out done" himself according to the world's standards! When he was small he was very ill and had some serious intestinal problems, and developmental issues. when Ty turned 3 his Dr. recommended early intervention to assess him...we pretty much had to let them or else we wouldn't be doing him any justice, right? NO! I was too young and naive to know better...I had Ty when I was 21. So, we "had" to put him in a preschool for "special needs" children. while we were there the teachers had him in all sorts of therapy's and Ty cried EVERY SINGLE DAY...it was awful. He went to that preschool when he was 3. During that same year he started to talk. He did have some serious issues, I'm not trying to downplay that Ty is a bit different from the "norm"...but to us and to God he was and still is just right! anyway, he would do what I call tripple talk...it would go something like this...."I like to play, play, play. "....the therapists and pshycologists said it would never stop....he only does it once in a while now.. He also would just say off the wall stuff at off the wall times and that would frustrate people, he still does that sometimes..He would really "BE" whatever character he was in to...like Bob the Builder. He really thought he WAS Bob...to an extreme I still to this day have never ever seen in any other child....it was strange to say the least. He still does that some, but he DOES understand he is NOT that character, but he IS Ty. They told me he would never use the toilet....it took until he was 5 & 1/2...but we got it! They told me he would never hold a pencil...he writes! You can barely read it (his hands don't work very well)...but he DOES it and we don't encourage him to write sloppy...he works HARD to make his hands do what HE wants them to do! They told me he would never have relationships with his peers....he has a friend and even has short play dates with him. They told me we HAD to get diagnoses for him, it just wouldn't be "right" to not label him. We bought into it for a short time...we got in a short time...ADHD, Asperger's, and they were working on diagnosing him with OCD...NO WAY~ we were done! Not to mention all the meds! It was horrible! He was on one med that made him stay awake for 56 hours! Yup, and he CRASHED in the middle of the day and momma still had to go the rest of the day...it was simply terrifying! We were DONE! We pulled him out of school ( we were homeschooling through a cyber school, and he was in the special ed there...they had therapists and such come to us through the school)....and God has worked so much in his life! Ty is Ty. He has social issues...he doesn't enjoy many people or to be the center of attention...you never know what will trigger things for him...he is very emotional. But, he leads a "normal" life...we have never bought into this garbage about how he CAN'T! who are "they" to decide what he can and cannot do?? Doesn't God do that? and God has done a rockin' cool job! Ty has done so much with his little life! He even got baptized in our pool...he wanted to, but couldn't get in front of the church...so he asked me to ask pastor to come and do it here with our family and relatives....he knows his own limits and is ok with them. He gets by and makes do. His hands give him such a hard time, but he plays computer, cooks, and build with nails & a hammer! Stop and get a mental picture and you will respect this so much more...here is my son, crouched on the floor...using his core muscles...holding a small nail with his hands that don't work...and at the same time pounding with a hammer...with hands that don't work...and he also has coordination issues! What a kid...he NEVER gives up and NEVER says "I CAN'T".....he knows God made him in His perfect image, and never seems to wonder why he's different...he accepts his lot in life. I need to step back and look at Ty for the amazing example he is. He walks tall and is proud of who God made him, even though the world tells him he is imperfect. I love this kid more than words can say!

Who Will it Be?

I have been spending much time in prayer over my children's future spouses. I feel it is SO important to remember to pray for the people our children will marry! We don't know who they will be, our oldest child is 11...so there's not even a hint yet. But we need to pray that the Lord will bless them with good christian people as mates. along with praying we are also teaching them that they are not to be unequally yolked....they should not marry an unbeliever. We are also praying about what our guidelines will be for courting...we are explaining to our girls we would like for them to remain at home under their father's leadership until they become married. This matter is so important and our kids futures need to be prayed over! I am so happy that we have such a loving God who through Jesus hears our prayers! I pray my children will grow close to the Lord and that they will let Him mold their lives...even now...even though they are young. I pray they will not let LUST get in the way of LOVE, and they will look deep into the heart of whom they chose to be with...do they love God? I pray the mate my children choose will have a good work ethic...they must put their hands to work for the Lord. I pray that the people they marry will have a love for the church...that they will love to go and fellowship with other believers! There are so many things to pray about concerning your children's future...and this is a big one! We should pray specifically... not just the little "shoot up"...."Um...hey, God...I hope my kid marries someone who's OK"....NO WAY! My kids are better than that! They DESERVE to have a prayer warrior praying for them! Join me in praying for your kids and the future that awaits them....pray specifically...God wants to hear from us :0)

Don't Trust Them!

Rob and I were laying in our big King size bed after dinner with some of our littles, I think 5 of them were there...I had to run downstairs and do some things, but Rob stayed there. He was pretending to sleep...not a good idea! The kids look innocent and cute....but that's just a show...here's what happened to my poor husband...LOL....he was getting "tickled" by all sorts of little fingers...but it was really the equivalent of your skin getting torn off your face...lots of giggles and talk of "tickling Daddy's beard"...that should wake him up...nope. They move on to his feet...he just about tore his toe nail off, it's really sore...more giggles about how this would really work!....nope...he's a strong man....then "it" happened....the giggles got really loud, he was probly sweating bullets by now, wondering what they are gonna do next...Kyara (she's 6) says to Cyle (he's 5)..."go on Cyle, just put it right in his eye...that should do it!"....YIKES! They were right!! To save his eye, my loving man "woke up" and was the "tickle monster"! What fun!!

Proverbs 17:22

"A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones "

I thank God for these fun and light moments, I NEED them...for my health. There are so many things right now that are heavy on my heart...we just figured out our oldest adopted daughter suffers from RAD (reactive attachment disorder), she's so hard to live with...I LOVE her SO much, but her little self is so broken...she needs God but HATES Him...that's enough for a broken mommy heart...I have been trying to get pregnant for a year with no succsess...ouch...especially after have a reversal done...lots and lots that I could let "get me down"...but my God is good...all the time! There is so much to be joyful about...and it's ALL from Him...what WE see as good and bad, it's ALL allowed by God..we just need to trust Him!

God's Deliverance!

The little man pictured in my last post is so sick...and God is so good and delivered my young son from death yesterday. Little man always gets respiratory problems when he gets sick...and we give him a few nebulaizor treatments and all is well. Yesterday was worse that it had ever been...his eyes were purple underneath and pouring water...he could barely breathe. I was doing his treatments and praying for healing over him...then he couldn't breathe...AT ALL! It was terrifying! I tried for over a minute to get my Little man to breath again...finally by taking him out in the cold air his airway opened enough for him to breath. Later I took him to the Dr. for further treatment. As soon as they saw him they were concerned...taking his pulse, it was RACING...he had a fever...and still could barely breath! Right away they gave him steroids and 2 heavy duty breathing treatments... The Dr. told me it was very serious and I should take him to the Er...then decided against it. They sent us home with 4 Rx's! The Dr. told me to stay awake all night and watch him, and to give him breathing treatments every 3 hours, as he could stop breathing. It was VERY scary until about 2 am....he would sit straight up in our bed and try to scream and grab at his throat because he couldn't breath well. At about 2 am his fever broke and he settled in...he seems ok toady. The Dr. called before 7:00 am this morning to make sure he was Ok....talk about a great Dr!! She told me to expect bad nights for a short while as she thinks his breathing will get worse at night. So we are going to continue to watch him VERY closely! It was the most scary mommy moment I have EVER had...when he couldn't breath..I was screaming out to God to spare my son...it's not like he was choking and we could dislodge something....his airway was shut...to see his little face looking at me with wild eyes....it seemed like it was FOREVER! It was a long time though...it was long enough for me to scream, cry, pound his back (pointless, I know, but it was a reaction) and get him outside and then it wasn't right away that he was breathing...in this time my daughter had enough time to call her dad at work! Talk about seeing God...He gives and He takes away. I really do see this for the truth that it is.. there was no rhyme or reason to why He spared my Little man's life...He could have brought him home...but He let him stay with my for who knows how long....I see now we have no time limit...or no unlimited time to spend...His sovereignty is amazing....He shows me little by little who He really is...and it makes me stand in awe! I thank God .

Confessions and Repentance

Proverbs 28:13

" He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

God gives us just what we need when we need it...during my prayer time this morning I was asking God to forgive me of my sins, but I seemed to just "lump" them all together...things have been busy and I realized that I was not confessing and asking for forgiveness at the TIME I committed sin....you know, snapped at someone, had a mean or judgmental thought...things like this...I know how wrong it is to not confess right away and ask forgiveness...but have fallen out of the "habit", so to speak. God brought me this verse this morning...and I am thankful :0)

What Kind Of Wife Am I?

Proverbs 21:9
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

I have asked myself this question lately..."What kind of wife am I?" I pray daily that the Lord will show me how to be a better wife to my wonderful husband. Recently we have been having a hard time with some of our adopted kids and I have been a bit in the "dumps"...he said to me last night, that he NEEDED me to be OK, that he NEEDED me to be happy and not upset or even depressed...he NEEDS to be able to come home to a cheerful wife, not a perfect home, or well behaved kids...but a well behaved ME! WOW! He even offered to cook dinner, do wash, care for kids so I can have a break...of course, I will not have him do those things...he just worked HARD for 10 hours! But, my point is, that's how much he NEEDS me....he really does, it is important to him to have my attention, for me to have a joyful attitude, and not a selfish way about me. I can no longer go around thinking how "hard" things are for ME....my eyes are to focus on God and what He has blessed me with. I get so wrapped up in my own life and just brought my husband down too! It really opened my eyes as to another part of my role as wife...he needs for me not to just "do" things...be needs me to "be" something...and that is a Godly wife! Yes, we still have issues in life and always will...but I need to put them where they belong. This wife has learned her lesson and will make sure my husband has what he needs....a cheerful wife!

Raw Pain

It seems to be everywhere....this raw pain. I went to a celebration of life on Saturday...what a time to celebrate the birth of a sweet little life....but within this joy was so much pain. Strange. We ( a whole bunch of ladies from church) were there to celebrate...there was a young, newly married girl, who just had a miscarriage...the shower was for her best friend. There was another young woman, the guest of honor's sister, who recently found out she can not carry a child and has miscarriages...there were older ladies who had lost babies, ladies who wished they had had more children, ladies who lost their husbands and all they have to hold are their children...and the guest of honor's own mother had lost a daughter when she was only 4...and then there was myself...I had a tubal reversal almost a year ago...and no pregnancy yet. At the time of the shower I was 2 months late...too frightened to take a test, but was believing I was pregnant...and then Sunday morning got my period. My pain is so raw. My arms ache for a new little one....but God says not now. His timing is always perfect...He's right on time...He makes no mistakes. As I pray and think of all these other women, and another friend of mine who is struggling, I wonder how they "are"...praying the pain is not too much. We need to lean on the Lord in times such as these...He is our strength and we are to be content where we are RIGHT NOW...we can not make deals and say I'll be happy when God gives me a baby...no...we are to find our joy in the Lord and our salvation...not in our situation. My heart goes out to all ladies who are struggling with loss...loss to death, loss to miscarriage, or an empty womb. I feel your pain.

Snow

We have had so much snow this winter. The kids worked so hard this week, making pathways to the chicken coop, shoveling, making a way to the playhouse...things like that. Last night when they came in, I looked out and saw all the evidence of a fun day! This morning when I looked out it was a different scene for sure! The ground had a fresh blanket of snow...covering all the pathways and little footprints...the barn roof had it's beautiful covering of white glimmering snow, our homemade barn star was gorgeous! Then I thought of how upset I would be if I were the kids, all the work they just put into things this week....gone. This is my mind. I also thought of the horses, they just stand there....covered in snow and ice...I felt so sad for them. In reality, they have a warm and dry barn they can go into at any time....they chose to stand out in the weather...they must not mind. This is my mind. when my kids woke up all you could hear was delightful giggles and talk about how deep the snow was...how far up their little legs it would go...how much fun they would have digging out again...the minds of children are so much more positive than mine. It just amazed me at their joy, even though all they worked so hard on was gone....it reminds me that the Lord wants us to count it all as joy. I learned something important from my kids today...

What I'm Learning

This has been such a time of learning and growth as of late. I know we always grow and learn because God is the best teacher...and He is really working on me. It is SO hard to raise abused kids. I will never understand them. We have done foster care and took care of abused kids for 8 years now, and have done oodles of trainings and classes....but these kids are not all the same. Whatever these kids have gone through is a part of them, it makes them who they are. I don't think that most of them actually remember what happened to them in detail (one of mine DOES)...but it's still "in" them, does that make sense? These kids do not know the Lord as their Savior...yet. So, they don't lean on Him, and pull from His strength...they fight...HARD! One of my children has been B.A.D. EVERY SINGLE DAY....ALL DAY LONG.....since the beginning of October when she found out her oldest birth sister was moving to Virginia with an aunt. Her sister is not a safe person to live with, so she can't live here....her abuse created her to be a predator. This has made my daughter confused, lonely, and most of all MAD! She blames me for her not living with her birth family... I mean, her dad said that he loved her while hurting her....that's love right? It is soooo sad! She is pushing away...and I mean PUSHING away our love.... a healthy and good love, regular love,,,the kind parents and children are supposed to have...not the sick and abusive love she is used to. She pushes and is soo awful mean, she does this with tears in her eyes, she doesn't WANT to do this...I know she doesn't...but hate wins out...every day. We beg, pray, cry, talk....and nothing changes. So, what am I learning....I am learning that I have anger issues and am also learning to have patience. It makes me angry when she is so mean to me and my other kids....it makes me angry that she is hateful all the time...but my loving and patient God is still working on me...and He has shown me...it's not about ME...it's about her pain. Yes, it is so hard to live with....this is the reason she has bounced from home to home....but it's not about me....it doesn't have to be easy for me...anger just makes it worse, what example does that set? This week the behavior has spread like wild fire! All 5 adopted kids are acting the same hateful way! It has been the hardest week of my life! I have had a few not so proud moments where I let anger overcome me...but my forgiving and gracious Father has shown me again and again...to calm down and be patient! Yesterday, 2 of the five we well behaved. The other 3 were not. One was standing in time out until 9:00 pm last night! During this time my son needed to stand the proper way....he refused to do so until 9:00 pm! He broke 2 doors throwing fits! I got mad at first, and then God got ahold of me...and my husband and I prayed and talked...and we just left the room (he was not throwing a fit any longer, but still not standing the proper way) and we would just check with him every few minutes, talk it over with him so he understood this was not acceptable behavior and we are the boss so he must obey...he would say "no"...so we left him alone. He did not win....we "won"....he realized we are "the boss"...but there was no yelling or anything that would not please God (remember, I did have a few bad moments, but asked for forgiveness). I don't know why he's acting this way....he may not even know why he's acting this way....but he is. and I have to deal with it...patiently. So, God is teaching me patience. I pray that these little ones let God into their lives, but until then, the only example they have is my husband and I and my older saved children...I'm so glad He's still working on me!

"He's still working on me
to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars
the sun and the earth
Jupiter and mars
how loving and patient He must be!
He's still working on me!"

Broken!

What a day so far! Everything is breaking! I went to grab a shirt from the dryer this morning and all the clothes were still wet...I thought it was strange and went to turn the dryer back on and it made an awful noise! I called hubby and had him listen to it over the phone...he had me try a few things...and he thinks it's something he may be able to fix! YEAH! But how soon...we don't know as we will need to order parts, and it's an old dryer. I don't do wash over the weekend..so we are backed up...big time. It's FREEZING cold here and my clothes line is in the new horse pasture, the horses would eat my clothes even if I could hang them...and I don't even own any clothes bars! HA! This will be interesting! Also...I turned the dishwasher on and walked away...I came back out about 15 mins later and smoke was rolling out of it! I had to call hubby again...he had me check a few things and he said he thinks it is "toast"! EEK! We can not afford new things...so it will be interesting! I run my dishwasher 3 times a day! Our house is going to be a bit nutty this week :0) I was able to pray about all of this with my children and tell them how this was NOT my plan for the day...but it was what God allowed into my day...and I need to make the best of the day and go about taking in these things with a smile on my face :0) It was a great time to pray and talk with them...we talked about the different ways we will go about getting things done with this many people and already being behind on the wash. So far, I am doing well...keeping the smile on my face...I pray that God will help my continue to keep my eyes on Him and not to focus on these "things" that are throwing a kink in "my" day! This is the day the Lord had made...I shall rejoice and be GLAD in it!

Pre-teen Heartcheck....Just For Her??

We are having to deal with some heart issues with our oldest daughter...she is almost 11. It's different now....when she was small we had to deal with small issues like naps, and getting along with brothers and sisters...but she was SO good! She's good now...obedient, but we are seeing some heart issues that need to be dealt with. It is a whole new world dealing with older kids! Their issues are so "real" and what you SAY and DO really matters. Don't get me wrong, it all matters to all kids....but she is really watching me to see how I deal with things and what I say and do in reaction to certain things. Is what I am seeing a reflection of myself...what I have taught her by MY example? I think so. There is much to be done in the way of shepording this child's heart...am I up for it? No. I'm so thankful that I have a God who never fails me, I am so thankful to have my own Bible to read and learn from, I am so thankful for good christian ladies who will guide me, I am so thankful for children to teach....as long as I am willing and open to the Lord teaching me first! I pray that I will get to spend much time with my oldest daughter and teach her heart in the ways that the Lord is teaching my heart. I am bursting with joy that this daughter is a saved person, so she will be more receptive to God's prompting and conviction! I am looking forward to this day :0)

Faith...or the lack of faith

Well, yesterday was interesting....I was just going along with my day...teaching science...and the phone rings. I answer, and it is our lawyer for the adoptions....my heart sinks....what does he want?? He was calling to tell me that he couldn't get a hold of my case worker, he had been leaving voice mails, and that we are missing a paper that was necessary for the adoption of the two boys...they had everything for the three girls, but not the boys! I thought my heart was going to stop beating. I must have looked awful because my kids all stopped with their school work and just sat in silence....staring at me....all I could think about was not getting to adopt the boys on Saturday! So, I called the county office and left a hundred messages with people who may be able to help us. At this point, I was truly feeling like I was going to throw up, my chest was hurting, my stomach was in a tight knot of burning pain...I mean serious mental stuff going on....so, I called a few people to pray...I was still having all the physical side effects from this awful news when Rob gets home from work. He walked into the house and took one look at me and came rushing to my side wondering what was wrong... I told him and he just smiled and said "it's OK"... I was shocked by his comment, and upset that he was not joining me in my sinful pity party! I asked him how in the world he could say "it's OK"?? He just looked at me with those big brown eyes and said "They'll either figure it out or they won't, it's not the end of the world...the kids are all healthy, alive, and will eventually be adopted. God is with us, and knows what's best."....I was picking my jaw up off the floor...and the steam was blowing out of my ears...thinking ....what is wrong with this man! Then the big question came...he asked me..."where's your faith?"....I about fell over...but what I needed to do was fall to me knees and ask for forgiveness from my Father. Why do I always fall so short in trusting Him. I KNOW His ways are best...that He will work all out according to His good and perfect plan....but I also know that sometimes His plan does not meet up with MY plan! There, I said it....I am weak in my faith. I get things in my head, and make plans, and then get really pushy when they don't play out as I think they should. I KNOW this is wrong...I KNOW God is good...always...but I need to have faith in the fact that all that is true for ME...not just to say it...but to live it. So, as I am working and praying through all of this lack of faith in myself...the phone rings...the county took care of it...it will all be OK...and I got to grow! WOW...God is such an amazing teacher!

What's Important?

A dear friend of mine lost her Grandma yesterday, it was sudden, they are all shocked. This, along with a few other things that have happened as of late, leave me pondering....What is really important in life? What will my friends family remember in the years to come about their loved one? Will they think about how clean her house was? How fat or thin she was? What her clothes looked like? How fancy the meals were that she cooked? NO....not at all...I'd guess that in the years to come...the great grand kids won't remember any of those details about her, but they will hear all the stories about "her"....her character, her personality, her hospitality, her work ethic, her kindness. That leaves me looking at myself. How much weight do I put on the things that don't matter? How much time do I WASTE in a day, but fretting over silly little things? How do I make my family feel when I am being that way? How does my family feel when I am "too tired" to do this or that...am I REALLY, or am I just being selfish? Any one of us could get the call that a loved one has passed, a parent, a child, sister....what would we think about? Would we have regrets of not spending TIME with them? What takes up our TIME? The Bible tells us that life is but a vapor....why do we waste so much of this valuable resource? It is time for some change in my life. This has rocked my world! Not that I knew my friends grandma very well. We have had her for Easter last year, and spent other times visiting with her, but I think about this...what will my kids remember about me? That mom is always telling them to wipe their feet, don't get crumbs on the floor, that I hate the mess play dough and paint make, don't dump the sand out of your boots on the clean floor, go play because I'm busy...the list could go on. That is NOT what I desire for my kids to remember about me. If they are to ever have the memories of a caring, gentle, and truly forgiving momma, then things need to change. I will say, I don't sit around barking at my kids...we do fun things together, I'm not saying that I'm an awful and mean mom or anything, but will I be able to stand before the Lord one day and hear "well done, good and faithful servant"? Hmmm??