Raw Pain

It seems to be everywhere....this raw pain. I went to a celebration of life on Saturday...what a time to celebrate the birth of a sweet little life....but within this joy was so much pain. Strange. We ( a whole bunch of ladies from church) were there to celebrate...there was a young, newly married girl, who just had a miscarriage...the shower was for her best friend. There was another young woman, the guest of honor's sister, who recently found out she can not carry a child and has miscarriages...there were older ladies who had lost babies, ladies who wished they had had more children, ladies who lost their husbands and all they have to hold are their children...and the guest of honor's own mother had lost a daughter when she was only 4...and then there was myself...I had a tubal reversal almost a year ago...and no pregnancy yet. At the time of the shower I was 2 months late...too frightened to take a test, but was believing I was pregnant...and then Sunday morning got my period. My pain is so raw. My arms ache for a new little one....but God says not now. His timing is always perfect...He's right on time...He makes no mistakes. As I pray and think of all these other women, and another friend of mine who is struggling, I wonder how they "are"...praying the pain is not too much. We need to lean on the Lord in times such as these...He is our strength and we are to be content where we are RIGHT NOW...we can not make deals and say I'll be happy when God gives me a baby...no...we are to find our joy in the Lord and our salvation...not in our situation. My heart goes out to all ladies who are struggling with loss...loss to death, loss to miscarriage, or an empty womb. I feel your pain.

Dr. appt

I went to the Dr. a week ago to try to figure out why I don't get regular cycles and why it was so painful when I did and WHY can't I get pregnant! Well, the visit was SO encouraging! He told me I WAS NOT too fat to get pregnant! YEAH!!! and that I AM NOT too old to get pregnant!! YEAH!! I have a uterine infection from the surgery and that my body is still adjusting to things from the surgery. I had a woman's exam that was LONG overdue, I had not had one in 8 years! That came back normal....I think after having this information, it has helped me leave this issue at the foot of the cross.....just where it belongs! Since that day, I have not had many thoughts about "trying" to get pregnant. It will or will not happen according to God's will. just as it should be. I try ti get my nose in there and control things that I have NO business trying to control...that's God's job....not mine! So, I'm feeling more relaxed, enjoying my time with hubby instead of having a mission....LOL...I guess I am at peace with this whole thing! God is good...always!

Cool Food Finds!

I went to Walmart last night for a few things and come across some new items...well, new to me :0) I got marinated skinless boneless chicken breasts and they are only 2 points each! I never buy chicken breasts, so this is exciting! I will eat them for lunch! the other thing was snack size york peppermint patties, these are only one point each and are to DIE FOR right out of the freezer! I was really happy with these things :0)

As far as today goes...we are on our way with school, the kids are all on "schedule", so I am happy! We are having company for dinner tonight, so I have that to get ready for. I am really trying to go at this whole life thing in a more relaxed way, maybe that will help me get a cycle! Who knows. God would want me to be more relaxed anyways...right! I feel like I have PMS...but nothing happens. I guess I am recording all of this to keep track as there were times in our adoption journey that I thought things were never going to happen, or upset because we had to wait or there was a roadblock....but His timing is PERFECT...in the long run, all the struggles we went through came out to be that He was waiting until the prefect time where we could adopt ALL 5 KIDS at ONE time! that is beyond my wildest dreams! So, I'm sure this will all come out ok,and I am looking forward to seeing what we are waiting for! this is a record so when it all happens I can look back and see the progress and the "why's" will all be answered in His perfect timing! God is so good!