This has been such a time of learning and growth as of late. I know we always grow and learn because God is the best teacher...and He is really working on me. It is SO hard to raise abused kids. I will never understand them. We have done foster care and took care of abused kids for 8 years now, and have done oodles of trainings and classes....but these kids are not all the same. Whatever these kids have gone through is a part of them, it makes them who they are. I don't think that most of them actually remember what happened to them in detail (one of mine DOES)...but it's still "in" them, does that make sense? These kids do not know the Lord as their Savior...yet. So, they don't lean on Him, and pull from His strength...they fight...HARD! One of my children has been B.A.D. EVERY SINGLE DAY....ALL DAY LONG.....since the beginning of October when she found out her oldest birth sister was moving to Virginia with an aunt. Her sister is not a safe person to live with, so she can't live here....her abuse created her to be a predator. This has made my daughter confused, lonely, and most of all MAD! She blames me for her not living with her birth family... I mean, her dad said that he loved her while hurting her....that's love right? It is soooo sad! She is pushing away...and I mean PUSHING away our love.... a healthy and good love, regular love,,,the kind parents and children are supposed to have...not the sick and abusive love she is used to. She pushes and is soo awful mean, she does this with tears in her eyes, she doesn't WANT to do this...I know she doesn't...but hate wins out...every day. We beg, pray, cry, talk....and nothing changes. So, what am I learning....I am learning that I have anger issues and am also learning to have patience. It makes me angry when she is so mean to me and my other kids....it makes me angry that she is hateful all the time...but my loving and patient God is still working on me...and He has shown me...it's not about ME...it's about her pain. Yes, it is so hard to live with....this is the reason she has bounced from home to home....but it's not about me....it doesn't have to be easy for me...anger just makes it worse, what example does that set? This week the behavior has spread like wild fire! All 5 adopted kids are acting the same hateful way! It has been the hardest week of my life! I have had a few not so proud moments where I let anger overcome me...but my forgiving and gracious Father has shown me again and again...to calm down and be patient! Yesterday, 2 of the five we well behaved. The other 3 were not. One was standing in time out until 9:00 pm last night! During this time my son needed to stand the proper way....he refused to do so until 9:00 pm! He broke 2 doors throwing fits! I got mad at first, and then God got ahold of me...and my husband and I prayed and talked...and we just left the room (he was not throwing a fit any longer, but still not standing the proper way) and we would just check with him every few minutes, talk it over with him so he understood this was not acceptable behavior and we are the boss so he must obey...he would say "no"...so we left him alone. He did not win....we "won"....he realized we are "the boss"...but there was no yelling or anything that would not please God (remember, I did have a few bad moments, but asked for forgiveness). I don't know why he's acting this way....he may not even know why he's acting this way....but he is. and I have to deal with it...patiently. So, God is teaching me patience. I pray that these little ones let God into their lives, but until then, the only example they have is my husband and I and my older saved children...I'm so glad He's still working on me!
"He's still working on me
to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars
the sun and the earth
Jupiter and mars
how loving and patient He must be!
He's still working on me!"
Oh Kim you are sure dealing with a lot! What a heart of a servant you have to take in these children that are so 'discarded' in our upside down world.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know you, but my heart goes out to you because I can only imagine how I *would* feel in that situation...seeing these scarred children, and praying they come to Jesus, and then dealing with the fallout before they get there..
I will pray for you. Know you are appreciated for what you have done to fulfill the commandment for Christians to take care of the orphans.
God Bless
Oh I hope you can reach her. It must really be hard. Somehow you just have to break through her shield. But that's the part that's so hard, is reaching her when she doesn't want to be reached.
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is truly crying-out for you Kim! There is not way that I can relate to your struggles, but I pray that you will not give up on this little girl who has so much anger or the other children who need love as well as structure in their lives.
I must admit, you have much more patience than me, for if I was in this type of situation, I just might "loose it" far TOO often.
At any rate, take care Dear Mother, and know that I am thinking about you as well as praying for you.
-Lady Rose
Thank you all so much! The Lord has been really speaking to me...last night at dinner, we had a family talk about all of this and I just ended up telling her that we are not going to be angry anymore, she can, but we (parents & older kids who know Christ) are NOT! So, now we are simply saying, "I love you and forgive you"...we are trying to intergrate her the best we can into this family. She is thirving and feeding off all the anger and negative response....it's her comfort zone, all she's used to. Thanks SO much for the prayers!
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