Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Idle Time
God is showing me so much. All of my adopted kids are having a hard time, not because of the adoption, but because of their lack in training in the years before they lived here. Some of it may be that they are thinking about what they have lost, but it seems to be coming to me that they just don't have a very strong foundation....they don't really think they have to do what is right...when nobody is "watching". I have tried to talk with some people about this, and most of the time I get the "oh...kids are gonna be kids" bit. I WILL NOT accept that answer! I DO hold my kids up to a high standard...God's standard! I DO NOT think it's cute or funny to have kids act bratty and mean...I do not think it's OK when kids don't follow rules unless they are on your "hip"....I think of my two birth kids...I invested all of my time into them. I taught them all the time what was good and right. Yes, they are HUMAN....they make mistakes...but I can count on one hand how many times they have lied to me...things like that. Both of them can't sleep if they have done something wrong and have not confessed it first to God and then Rob and I, we taught them that. God has cultivated them....grown them....these kids need that to! Ashley and Tyler (my birth children) grew up in this environment....have been home educated....have been in church...have been under my husbands teaching....my other children have been for a short time. It's is AMAZING to see....even my youngest, when he was a baby knew how to steal...there former way of life is SO ingrained...all they knew before was lying, stealing, and cheating...they didn't know there was a God...they new drugs, rape, and abuse. What a gift these kids are...but I am seeing where their idle time is leading them...and it is NOT good! So, it's over. We are clearing out their bedrooms...no toys...NOTHING...we are clearing out the upstairs playroom...there will be no upstairs time! They were even doing bad things if they would head up to the bathroom! I am going to have them with me ALL of the time,,,, so I can train them and instruct them in what it good and right. I thought it was going well a few months ago so I let them go upstairs to play...and it was bad. They were playing inappropriate things and destroyed the upstairs...but I didn't catch on...I would ground them for a few days from it and try again. Must be I thought they would magicaly learn what is right and good....I can be thick. So, this is a new day...please pray for me.
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I will certainly pray for you! I do not have the experience of adoption (maybe the Lord will bring us there, as well?!) yet, I understand when dealing with a specific issue with a child, how the poo-poo'ing the behavior can be exhausting!
ReplyDeleteWe have been told my a family member "oh all boys are like that", in regards to a specific behavior of one of our boys. UGH! I do NOT accept that either!
He is misbehaving in this realm, and just because you grew up with it being "OK" doesn't mean it's OK with us OR GOD!
So, praise be for parents who seek righteousness, and not the least common denominator!
I'll be praying for you, and your challenge in this way. Thank you for adopting children to raise for God's glory!
Thanks for the kind words, we are REALLY struggling! I could just "give up" and ignore this behavior, but I don't feel like that teaches them anything good. I know God makes no mistakes, and He brought us these 5 to adopt...He will also get us through this time....it just so happens to be the hardest time of my life to date. I trust Him...His plan is perfect. I just pray He shows me soon what I should be doing. Thanks for the prayers.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you! My parents struggled so hard with my adopted sisters in this area also. They came from a drug/alcohol situation when they were little and spent several years in different foster homes, all of which left them with very little training in what is right and wrong. Because they were affected mentally from the drugs and alcohol before they were born, they rarely seemed to make any progress and now as grow women, still have a hard time choosing to live the way God wants us to. It is a lifelong stuggle for many abused children, but you have to trust God and do the best job you can training them up to know him.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Thanks Michelle...I know it is hard for them...but it seems as if they are almost wanting or trying to make things hard on themselves...I have seen this more times than I can count during the last 8 yrs of fostering. They don't want to let you get too close, they are scared...they are used to negative attention...not sure...thanks for the prayers and sharing your story :0)
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are facing some difficult decisions as a mother.
Currently, I do not have children, but I am praying that someday, the Lord will open my womb, or that adoption will be an option for is in the near future.
Despite this fact, I have worked with children who come from backgrounds where the parents are not involved in training their children properly. As a result, it is always difficult for these children to see where they have errored because they are constantly immersed in seeing improper examples that are seen constantly in their homes.
Also, I wanted to add that I think you have the right view point about not giving into the "they are just kids" attitude that most people seem to have. Yes, they are "kids," but like you said, it's not "cute" or acceptable when they behave in a fashion that is destructive or unhealthy for them.
At any rate, I will pray that God will give you the patience that you need to instruct them properly. It will not be easy, but with the Lord's help, I am sure you can help these children to live in a correct manner.
I have enjoyed visiting your blog today.
Blessings,
-Lady Rose
Lady Rose,
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting...and for the encouraging words. I agree with you, these kids have had no examples that are Godly...one set of grandparents (they fought us tooth and nail for the kids) told that they don't feel like lying is wrong if it benefits you, and that kids should not share toys..etc...it's just sad...but now we are dealing with all the aftermath...and it is really tough for us and the other kids who live here. There is not much peace, but I feel that they must learn to submit and obey Rob & I as training to obey the Lord. Thank you for the prayers...we sure can use them! Visit again soon :0)