Faith...or the lack of faith

Well, yesterday was interesting....I was just going along with my day...teaching science...and the phone rings. I answer, and it is our lawyer for the adoptions....my heart sinks....what does he want?? He was calling to tell me that he couldn't get a hold of my case worker, he had been leaving voice mails, and that we are missing a paper that was necessary for the adoption of the two boys...they had everything for the three girls, but not the boys! I thought my heart was going to stop beating. I must have looked awful because my kids all stopped with their school work and just sat in silence....staring at me....all I could think about was not getting to adopt the boys on Saturday! So, I called the county office and left a hundred messages with people who may be able to help us. At this point, I was truly feeling like I was going to throw up, my chest was hurting, my stomach was in a tight knot of burning pain...I mean serious mental stuff going on....so, I called a few people to pray...I was still having all the physical side effects from this awful news when Rob gets home from work. He walked into the house and took one look at me and came rushing to my side wondering what was wrong... I told him and he just smiled and said "it's OK"... I was shocked by his comment, and upset that he was not joining me in my sinful pity party! I asked him how in the world he could say "it's OK"?? He just looked at me with those big brown eyes and said "They'll either figure it out or they won't, it's not the end of the world...the kids are all healthy, alive, and will eventually be adopted. God is with us, and knows what's best."....I was picking my jaw up off the floor...and the steam was blowing out of my ears...thinking ....what is wrong with this man! Then the big question came...he asked me..."where's your faith?"....I about fell over...but what I needed to do was fall to me knees and ask for forgiveness from my Father. Why do I always fall so short in trusting Him. I KNOW His ways are best...that He will work all out according to His good and perfect plan....but I also know that sometimes His plan does not meet up with MY plan! There, I said it....I am weak in my faith. I get things in my head, and make plans, and then get really pushy when they don't play out as I think they should. I KNOW this is wrong...I KNOW God is good...always...but I need to have faith in the fact that all that is true for ME...not just to say it...but to live it. So, as I am working and praying through all of this lack of faith in myself...the phone rings...the county took care of it...it will all be OK...and I got to grow! WOW...God is such an amazing teacher!